We named her Bhrianna

My heart is heavy today.  Today is the day my daughter was to be born.  Ok, Ok–I know most babies aren’t born on their due date.  Heaven knows, I wasn’t!  But I’ll never know now if she should would have been born late or early. 

I’ve been watching this date on the calendar; its presence looming and growing.  I’ve wondered how it was I’d get through the day.  Don’t misunderstand me–I’m getting through the day.  Just as I’ve gotten through every single day since I lost her.  Just as I will get through every day after this one. 

I miss her so.  I never got to hold her in my arms, never even got to see her sweet little face–and I couldn’t grieve at losing her anymore than I do.  Isn’t that odd–I never really knew her, knew the person she’d be and the loss of her is no less than those I’ve known and loved all my life.

I’m not negating all the wonderful things that are in my life now.  I just have to stop for a minute.  Remember my sweet little baby.  Not let the significance of the day go by as if it mattered not a thing.  It matters.  She matters, she always has and always will.

She was always wanted.  From the first.  A surprise, yes.  But more than wanted.  Wanted still.

I miss you sweet baby mine.  I miss you my Bhrianna. 

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4 Comments

  1. jamtastic4 said,

    10 April 2008 at 11:38 am

    Your post brought me to tears. My heart goes out to you. Keep talking about your loss and writing about it, as it helps you get through it while honoring your Bhrianna. Hang in there.

  2. 10 April 2008 at 10:35 pm

    hugs bren!!!!!

  3. Wendy said,

    11 April 2008 at 12:06 am

    I stumbled across this doing a search on miscarriage. I’m so sorry for your loss and pray for comfort in your pain.

  4. 13 April 2008 at 9:01 am

    HUGS….


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